Society. Internet. The comment section … we have got to talk.
I thought it was an anomaly. Then I thought it was trolls, especially when the keyboard warriors were men. But now I am seeing it everywhere, and I have got to say something.
STOP TELLING FORMULA FEEDING MOMS BREASTFEEDING BENEFITS WHEN THEY CAN’T FIND FORMULA.
If I sound angry, it’s because I am. Let’s just break this down for a second. If you think formula-feeding mommas have never heard “Breast is best” or the golden breastfeeding benefits or how our child will turn into a prodigy because of breast milk, you gently need a reality check. We know. We have heard. We have been educated. Breastmilk is the better option and one we should try to emulate.
However, and I’m sure you have heard this on repeat, some moms just can’t do it. There are latch issues, supply issues, baby is allergic to breastmilk, Mom is on a heavy medication, and then some moms, because of previous negative experience or because they straight up just didn’t want to, went straight to formula. Which is completely fine and allowed. Not to mention, some moms are fostering or adopting; therefore, their bodies never made milk to begin with.
But the real source of my high outrage and ire comes from a simple truth:
If we are formula feeding, we cannot change course and start breastfeeding again. The milk is no longer there.
Bear with me for a second, because I am dumbfounded I have to explain this. Most women who are formula feeding have now dried up. Breastmilk is not something that stays with you forever after you give birth. The more you breastfeed, the more your body makes milk. The less you breastfeed, the less your body makes milk. And when you stop breastfeeding, it dries up.
And sure, your aunt’s daughter’s friend’s cousin may have been able to successfully relactate. Have you actually looked into relactation? Do you know how hard it is to do? This is not a quick fix, even if it does work. The answer to the formula shortage is not to relactate.
And it’s here that I want to say a word on this movement. Like I mentioned upthread, yes, we know breast is best. The problem isn’t that there is a lack of education on the wonderful benefits of breastfeeding. We are all well aware of why it is considered better for baby. But what is missing is some moderation. I find that we have swung so far to the pro-breastfeeding side of the spectrum, that we have resorted to shaming moms for being unable to accomplish something that is not easy to do, and for many, something that just isn’t working, no matter how hard moms want to be successful.
The constant barrage of pro-breastfeeding literature that is aimed at us has a profound lack of compassion and empathy for those of us who do use formula. Using formula isn’t bad or wrong, even in a shortage. It is not irresponsible and it is not poison.
Babies not only survive but thrive on formula.
Before formula ever existed, so many babies were malnourished or died due to not having another option available when breastfeeding wasn’t working. Why are we treating this as akin to wearing a scarlet letter on our blouse? Why are so many trying to make women feel less than for choosing a method that still feeds their baby and helps them grow and achieve milestones?
So what should we be saying to mom during a formula shortage instead?
I’m so sorry. This has to be heartbreaking and so stressful. How can I help? I can check out 5 grocery stores for you tomorrow – what formula are you using? You’re doing such an amazing job trying to find formula for your baby, they are so lucky to have you. Do you just need to vent? Can I buy your family dinner since I know you will be out on the town looking for formula for the next hour?
Just please, please, do not tell us why we should have breastfed instead. We get it – in a shortage, this would be helpful if we did not need to purchase formula. But the shortage is our reality and we need to do what we can to fix the emergency, not ask woulda / coulda / shoulda.
