Last year, I wrote about wanting my Super Mom Cape back. When I wrote this, I was in the throes of terrible twos and about to transition into the threenager year all while preparing to go through another embryo transfer in the hopes of giving our son a baby sister. I remember feeling so empowered and amazingly bad ass as a new mother. There was joy and confidence in just about everything I did. I wanted that feeling back so badly.
The Snap Back
The birth of our first child and the short amount of time it took to fall into a routine and get “back to normal” gave me a false confidence. This mom thing wasn’t so hard. By the time I went back to work full time and he started daycare, we were all adjusting beautifully. In reality, our son put himself on a schedule and only having one child to care for made it easy for me to happily DO EVERYTHING at work and home. There were 10-12-hour work days split between the office and home. I took daily walks / jogs around the neighborhood and did workouts while I wore him in the baby bjorn. Meal prep was done every Sunday. The house and yard were cared for. It was a lot.
It take a village.
Fast forward to the end of 2018. Our son is a loving, rambunctious, curious kid. He is excited about meeting his baby sister and being a good big brother. Our second baby was born right before Christmas. And it took everything I had to take care of her. At first, I couldn’t think past the basic needs of caring for my newborn to take care of myself or my family like I had when I was a brand new mom of one.
I felt defeated – like a complete failure.
All because I couldn’t DO EVERYTHING like I had the first time around. The dishes and laundry piled up and there were days when I didn’t have time to eat lunch, cook dinner or shower because I was alone with the baby and I couldn’t put her down long enough to do anything. On top of that, we were moving. I knew I needed my village to help us through. Because as much as I would love to do it all myself – I just can’t.
I don’t want to be super mom – I just want to be a good mom.
The amount of guilt I have over needing help to care for two kids and move my household continues to overwhelm me. I realized quickly that I didn’t want to be super mom. I just want to be a good mom. Right now, being a good mom looks a bit differently than I thought it would. It’s leaning on my husband to help more with the kids and the house. Some weeks, it’s ordering take out for dinner instead of cooking. It’s asking for help from family to care for both kids when I was knocked off my feet by a cold and a respiratory infection. It’s accepting help from family and friends to pack up, move and unpack our house. It’s letting our toddler spend a weekend with his grandparents so that I can care for a sick infant. It’s knowing that it will get easier to care for both kids, myself and our home. It’s knowing that we will get the baby on a feeding and sleep schedule that works for all of us (and I will sleep for more than three hours at time).
My daughter’s birth has taught me that being a good mom doesn’t mean going it alone. Being a good mom is knowing when to call in your village.