The Moms I’ve Been :: From Boundless Love to Boundaries
Motherhood is an ever-evolving journey. We start as the nurturing mom; then we may transition into the mom who tries everything to make her kids happy, often by saying “yes” too much because following through on a “no” may feel exhausting. Eventually, we might become the frustrated mom, the yelling mom, or even the hopeless mom. Somewhere along the way, I morphed into the “selfish” mom, the one who finally says “enough” and takes time for herself, tired of feeling taken advantage of.
Reflecting on the Journey
Reflecting on this journey, we can look at the evolution of motherhood as a natural process: learning it as we go, adjusting to new information, and growing through each stage. Yet, transitioning from being overly accommodating to setting boundaries isn’t easy. It requires a delicate balance, mainly when my kids are used to the old mom.
I often reminisce about when my kids were babies. I’d see a Facebook post of someone embracing their baby and think, “I miss my babies.” But deep down, I realize it’s not just the babies I miss. It’s that version of myself who felt like I was meeting all their needs, who was caring and nurturing, and who trusted her instincts.
The Challenges of Now
Sure, babies are tough, with all the sleepless nights and constant demands. But back then, I felt like I was doing the best job possible. Fast-forward to now, and this stage of motherhood feels like failing a hundred times a day. Emotional regulation? What’s that? Self-regulation? A distant memory. The constant triggers of everyday life can leave you feeling frazzled.
Clearly, something needs to change. Figuring out the root of those triggers and how to change them is huge. I want to return to that feeling of the early days, meeting their needs in the best way possible and feeling like a good mom.
Practical Tips for Navigating the Evolution
So, how do we, as moms, navigate this evolution? Here are some tips that could help:
Morning Me-Time: Waking up before everyone else is gold. This can give Mom a quiet moment to enjoy coffee and set a positive tone for the day. Without that time, things usually go sideways, and voices are raised.
Delegate Tasks: Assign specific tasks to each family member. They don’t always get it right, but the consistency helps. This not only lightens the load but also teaches them a little responsibility.
Say “No” Without Guilt: This one is tough, but learning to say “no” to things that overextend you. Whether it’s an extra activity or an additional favor, setting limits has been crucial for my sanity.
Personal Check-Ins: Spending one-on-one time each week with each kid, doing something fun. It helps to stay connected to their individual needs and feelings.
Model a little Self-Regulation: Attempt to practice pausing and walking away. When I feel triggered, I verbalize my process: “I feel like I may yell soon, so I’m going to walk away.” Usually, taking that moment is the difference between everyone melting down or some much-needed calm vibes.
Set Realistic Expectations: Remind yourself and potentially everyone else in your family daily that you’re not a superhero. The house doesn’t have to be spotless, and it’s okay if things don’t always go as planned. Perfection is overrated.
Celebrate Small Wins: At the end of each day, reflect on something you did well and remind yourself that you did enough. Some days, my 100% is 60%, and that’s okay. Celebrating these micro victories keeps me motivated and positive.
Find Your Tribe: Connect with other moms. Sharing experiences and advice can provide new perspectives and much-needed support.
Embrace the Evolution
Remember, motherhood isn’t about perfection. It’s about growth, love, and learning. Embrace the evolution, laugh at the chaos, and trust that you are doing a fantastic job. Your kids may not always show it, but they see your efforts and appreciate you more than you know. So I’ve heard.
Here’s to Us
So, here’s to us — the evolving moms, the boundary-setting moms, and the moms who are learning, growing, and loving through every stage of this beautiful, messy journey.
