“Courtney, Courtney, Avah is passed out on the ground!” My husband yells to me while having a normal Sunday lunch at his parents’ house. I rush to them in a panic. What? She is lifeless and pale. Her eyes are distant, and I know she isn’t with us. My husband and father in and I rush to our car to bring her to the nearest ER. Trying to get into the car felt like the most difficult task. I could not even think straight enough to get her into my car.
Six Minutes Away.
My father in law held Avah who was still awake, but not responsive. I sat in the back seat while he held my baby. I couldn’t even come to terms with what was happening. Was I about to lose my baby girl? What is happening? My head is spinning. The only thing I can do is talk to her, touch her head, and pray to God.
Six Minutes felt like hours…
We arrived at the ER. The color finally came back to her face. She finally uttered the word “Mommy.” My baby was okay! What just happened?
The febrile seizure was ruled the cause of Avah’s first episode, unfortunately, it wouldn’t be her last. The second time, I get a call from her sitter, “Avah just passed out, I called the ambulance and they are on the way.” Wait, What? I call my husband we rush to the hospital.
Waiting at the ER door, the ambulance carrying her pulls up, the doors open, and it is my pretty blue-eyed baby, smiling and talking. A blood test was run. Tests were completed. Diagnosis: Possible Febrile Seizure, again! Her amazing pediatrician referred us to every specialist around to try and get to the bottom of it.
The Endocrinologist rules out some of our worst fears. The Cardiologist discovers a small murmur but nothing hugely significant. Her heart, her head, her body is fine. I guess I just do not have another choice but to accept this for what it is.
Round 3, after an epic nosebleed, my child goes limp and collapses to the floor again. Another trip to the ER (third time in 3 years). Everything is clear. Nothing is abnormal. She is healthy and active. This was the last incident to date.
What is causing this? I wish I knew. Not knowing how to help my child is terrifying. Every time she gets the slightest bit sick, I panic. Waiting for her to collapse again. This isn’t healthy.
How do you accept no answer for an answer?
What do you do when you don’t have an answer? How do you accept it? Even the thought of her having a cold throws me into panic mode, scared of what could happen … as I wait for another incident.
