You may be thinking, I already have one. A few close friends who are moms too. Or maybe it’s a co-worker. Could even be your mother. But scratch that. Start from the beginning. I am recommending you form a small group that is explicitly moms only. It doesn’t even need to be your best friends. The only thing in common needs to be motherhood.
Why an Official Moms Group?
I am so glad you asked. I too didn’t see the need for this. After all, I had many friends who were moms, had my own mother and mother-in-law. Why would I need an additional group of women solely for my new motherhood path? What I didn’t realize was the safe space that was so needed to ask baby/kid questions at any time, complete with support for dealing with my child’s most tense and confusing moments.
A friend of mine approached me very shortly after giving birth to be involved in one. I said yes, not realizing how important this was going to come to be – what a lifeline it was. I wasn’t super close to any of the ladies in the group, but soon found comfort and support that I wasn’t expecting. The first meet-up I had with our group was fresh into newborn life. I was struggling, to put it lightly. But I tried to put on a brave face to these well-seasoned moms who seemed like they had it all together. There was even a mom there who had a baby shortly after me and she seemed like she was living her best life. But in between the smiles and laughs, stories of hardship and advice were exchanged. I hung unto every word. At the end of the meet-up, I walked to the car with one of the other moms, who opened up to me about having a NICU baby. My baby was unexpected in the NICU, and hers was too a few years ago. Feeling validation as we shared similar experiences was more than what I needed at that moment.
The Rules Are Simple
No mom question is off the table. You can ask questions incessantly without pestering. You try to make it to monthly meet-ups, but it’s not necessary. There’s no pressure to constantly respond. But this is a no judgement zone, with the freedom to ask as many questions are you need. It’s great to have moms with a range of children ages, but not necessary. It’s also a sounding board for the complicated chaos that is mom life, as we try to do it all. In short, it’s your mom safe space that you didn’t know you needed.
Knowing What You Need Before You Need It
Since my own moms group first formed, there has been tragedy and hardship. Family passing away, miscarriages, car accidents, surgeries. Also a lot of joy with new births, new careers, and new homes. There is a support system there that I haven’t experienced in many other places. You know how someone will tell you “Let me know what you need?” when you’re facing a tough season? But it’s too hard to voice you can’t even focus on preparing dinner much less the other mundane tasks that is life? Your mom’s group is there, already knowing the stress you are under, showing up with a charcuterie board or prepared meal. They understand your struggle a little bit more, and before you can think twice, they have already delivered what you couldn’t put in words.
Make Your Own
If you currently don’t have a specialized moms group, now’s the time to make one. Grab the ladies in your life who are moms and commit to a monthly or every other month get together. It’ll make a difference in your own motherhood experience, as well as provide support you may have not known you needed.