I used to think of myself as a pretty laid back, go with the flow kind of gal. After all, things change all the time, right? You can’t expect everything to be status quo forever. Whether it was work – or family – related, I was THE person reminding others that change is inevitable and not to fight it. Then I got pregnant for our second child. And my husband changed industries and took a new job, prompting a move to a new town about 2 hours away. In abstract, I was okay with it. Kind of. Until I wasn’t.
A New Baby, Packing and Moving.
Apparently, timing was not in our favor at the end of 2018. Within 2 weeks in December, we sold our home that had been on the market for 8 months, found a new home in a new town and had a baby. In the four weeks that followed our second child’s arrival, we packed up our home and I handled the logistics of scheduling closings and movers all while caring for a toddler and a newborn while my husband went back to work. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of all of us living under one roof again and the excitement of a new home. But honestly, I’m not that excited about it. I don’t want to go.
I’m not okay with change after all.
This all has made me realize that I am NOT okay with big changes. Little changes – bring it on. Life altering changes – not so much. The day after we signed the contract to sell our home, I cried. Chalk it up to hormones, but I cried about finding a new daycare for our toddler, leaving and being away from our parents and family, leaving our neighbors and the prospect of working remotely (from home) and not being in my office every day. I cried when I found a new daycare for our toddler and spoke to the director about him. I cried when we started packing. And, I’m crying as I sit here on my couch holding my 4-week-old writing this. You see, the movers come tomorrow. And we will walk out of this house tomorrow evening and never return to it. 12 years of memories – good and bad – packed up in boxes and being put on a truck. We are leaving everything and everyone we know behind and starting over in a new town. And for this mama, that is beyond overwhelming. I never thought I would live away from my family. And when I pictured us selling this home and moving, I pictured us moving to a different neighborhood down the road.
This experience has taught me that I’m not as laid back and good with change as I thought I was. And that is okay. I think this and other major changes would be a lot for anyone to handle. The important thing when dealing with big changes in life is how you allow those changes to affect you in the short and long term. Sure, I’m sad to leave, but I also know that I can’t let our move and new circumstances overwhelm and dictate my feelings and reactions for an extended period of time.
I am trying to approach this in a healthy way – I cry when I need to, express my feelings about this change, give myself and my family grace and time to adjust and pray that I can push through and find a new normal and dynamic in this season, along with some peace.
