It may sound counterintuitive to want a flexible resolution, but in my case, it’s necessary.
I have lived most of my life in black and white. I was raised in an extremely orderly household but grew up with a lot of chaos around me that was beyond my control. My solution: try to control everything.
Get a grip.
Once I got to college and then my first full-time job, I was 100% sure that people who didn’t have their life together just weren’t trying hard enough. They weren’t organized enough. They weren’t disciplined enough.
This unfortunately led to a lot of judgment on my part, and I really regret that. As I got older and started to listen to more podcasts and (attempt) to read more, I took consolation that it’s not just about checkpoints along the journey, it’s about building habits.
Goals vs Habits
Atomic Habits by James Clear by far is one of the most influential books in my household. I used to be certain that by writing down your goals and sticking to them no matter what, you can achieve ANYTHING.
Well, enter marriage and motherhood, where you are now responsible for not only yourself but a household and a relationship too. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, things won’t happen. You won’t meet that goal for the day.
What I learned from Atomic Habits is that it’s not the goal that gets you where you want to be, it’s the steps along the way. If you’re always focused on the end, how do you know where to take the next simple step? Your habits will lead you down the path you want to go.
If you want to be healthy, what would a healthy person do? What does a healthy person eat? Having the goal of being healthy is not enough. Forming habits of healthy people is what gets you there.
Flexibility links with grace
I work full-time. I am raising two children. I have a spouse. I also have me. Sometimes what “me” needs is a break. In 2023, I want to push myself, but also to know when I’m pushing too hard. I want to take risks, but also know when those risks may not be worth the reward. I want to honor what my body and mind are saying will bring peace.
So, while I start to think about this upcoming year, I have a solid plan to be as flexible as possible. Starting 2023 on an oxymoron seems just about perfect.