This is a post I struggled to write. But I decided to actually put pen to paper (figuratively of course because #technology) because maybe you are struggling with the same thing and feeling maybe a bit alone because of it. Big breath. Here we go.
What even is that? Loving your body the way it is, right? Ok, but what if you want to change it, or you DO change it… and you love it… does that even count? Is someone checking that? Why do I even CARE?!
I am what I say I am. I am who I portray myself to be.
But do we? Does anyone? What is this based on, my social media account? Or me in real life? WHO gets to see the authentic me? The ugly scary stuff? Surely that is not something necessary to share with everyone. Does that make me less authentic?
So this is the stupid mess swirling around in my head lately. Because I am a mother, and my children are approaching their preteens faster than I could have imagined. And that adds a WHOLE new dimension to my previous philosophies on bodies and beauty.
It’s YOUR own body. To do with what you want. Want new boobs? Get em. Want a flatter tummy? Tuck it. Don’t like your wrinkles? Botox and fill, baby. Have at it.
Except now that I am in a financially privileged position where I could potentially plan for a little nip-tuck, I am seriously second-guessing my former theoretically scalpel-happy-self.
Because of my children.
How can I tell them with any sort of integrity that their bodies are beautiful just the way they are if I am surgically changing mine? How can I model aging gracefully, when I feel like a phony? How tf do I recover from a major surgical procedure while mothering my children?
THEN I FLIP FLOP ON OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE
Because of my children.
How can I show them that it’s ok to change something they dislike about themselves if I have never done so myself? Their body is ultimately theirs and no one else should dictate decisions about it but them. And Mama loves you just the same.
It’s a mind game. There are no bad decisions… maybe those are the most difficult?
In discussing further with friends here are a few other ideas now set a-swirling in the ol’ noggin.
“Accepting my body authentically — knowing that I can’t naturally change my saggy breasts for example and opting for a breast lift and implants so I can feel confident FOR MYSELF when I wear clothing — is still loving myself. It’s honoring my feelings instead of trying to change them for others or ‘suffering through it’ for the sake of accepting this body.”
” I guess for myself I see all body modification the same: breast implants, botox, tattoos, hair color, colored contacts, artificial nails, etc. I can participate in those services and still love myself. I can accept my curves and embrace them and still work to get stronger. I’m not being inauthentic to say ‘I love my body today even though I’m working to change it'”
“I’m of the mindset that I am PRO-enhancement if YOU want to change your body, but I’m very ANTI-enhancement if you’re doing it because society makes you feel like you should.”
“It’s just like a new haircut and color or getting my nails done. I think women’s choices, in general, get put under a microscope and looked at way too far in-depth, but in reality, it’s all in the same category, just not the same price range.”
Also: y’all this is why we are tired. #overthinkersNOTsoanonymous