Venting About My Husband, Why I Am Choosing Not To

It’s no secret that every marriage, or relationship for that matter, has their positive moments and some that are, well … less than ideal. But I am making a conscious effort on how I chose to share the frustrations, fights or disagreements my husband and I have for several reasons, no matter how big or small the topic. Instead, I am choosing to share and focus on the positive moments to continue fostering love and happiness into our relationship. Here’s why:

fighting in marriage

Impressions Matter

And not just first impressions. Each person I speak to will form an idea or preconceived opinion on our disagreement. Should the person I’m venting to have the same feelings as I do, this has the possibility of tainting the image of my husband. For instance, if I’m speaking to my own mother, who clearly knows both of us, she could view my husband in a more negative manner. Also, my own mother could have her own biases to naturally align with me as a form of protection over her own child. And then there’s the person at the grocery store. If I ever shared an unfavorable opinion of my husband to the cashier at my local grocery store, the next trip I take with my husband, the cashier will have preconceived opinions on my husband. They won’t ever know of all the wonderful things he does do in our relationship because I chose to focus on the negative.

two sides in every argument

There are always two sides

During any disagreement, I am always very invested in my feelings and opinions on any subject matter. And typically, my husband has a different opinion of feeling about the topic. Hence why we have a disagreement to begin with. If I hastily go vent and air my frustration about my husband or disagreement we had, I may not have given myself the proper time to process and understand my own feelings OR even begin to acknowledge and attempt to understand my husband’s feelings or opinions. Also, speaking to a friend, family or acquaintance, they will be unable to listen to the thoughts and feelings my husband rightfully has.

compromise in marriage

Coming To A Compromise

In the end, all disagreement hopefully get resolved through some sort of compromise. This compromise is done between my husband and I. Not with all the people who I have chosen to vent to. Instead, if we truly feel like we need an outside opinion on the subject, we should find the help of a counselor who is impartial to us both, will give us the space and time to speak on our feelings, and help us both to understand and resolve any outstanding issues.

I love my husband.

By no means does this mean that I am ignoring or not addressing the issues we have. Rather, I am choosing to speak light and love into my relationship with my husband and giving us the time and space to work through our disagreements, between us. Instead, I am focusing on sharing all the positive moments my husband and I have and the wonderful memories we’ve created with our kids. These happier moments are primarily what comprise our relationship and should be celebrated. The more I am able to share the amazing attributes and memories with my husband and family, the more I appreciate all the things he does for our family.

Emily Miller
Emily is a dual citizen, residing in Lafayette, Louisiana, yet a temporary visitor in her other residency of Germany. She is a wife of four years and full time working mother to two kids: a 2.5 year old girl (C) and 5 month old boy (H). Having graduated from LSU with her bachelors, she continued her education by getting her Masters in Business Administration from UL. Working in management in retail, her schedule frequently varies and consists of unusual hours, but she embraces that as extra time with her children. While off the clock, Emily pours herself a cup of decaf coffee, plays in a room filled with toddler toys, teaches her children German, and attempts to be a scrunchy Montessori inspired mama with goals of raising independent children.


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