I like to think I’m a generally patient person.
Or at least I did. Until I had a child who loves to push things to the very edge, trying to take everything one (or five) steps beyond what we’ve talked about. Repeatedly.
Sometimes when I snap, it’s over safety measures. (Don’t go near the grill when it’s lit!) But sometimes, it’s just because keeping her within any sort of lines just gets exhausting.
We try to have a plan, because things tend to be easier when we’re on a schedule. But sometimes life gets in the way of that. For instance, right now we’re at the beach, which in theory is full of rest and relaxation. But after a full day of play, sun, and lots of new and interesting things to test out, we’re both maxed out — her on listening, and me on patience.
So a few notes to my daughter:
Please know that I’m trying as hard as I can. I pray for patience, and for the ability to put myself into your very big four year old feelings and understand where you’re coming from. But while you are arguably the best thing in my world, you’re far from the only thing in it, which means I can’t always keep it together.
I hope that you see how hard I’m trying. That when I hit a breaking point, it’s not because I haven’t been trying to focus in on what’s best for you in this situation. Sometimes I just can’t be enough for you in that moment. Or I’m just pushed myself too hard, too far for my own emotions to take.
I also hope that one day you can take this big, bold, fearless personality and turn it into whatever your version of success is. Run a Fortune 500 company, make your community the very best it can be, have powerful connections and relationships.
So I ask for patience everyday. To make our family stronger, and to make sure your personality stays this bold.
But please, just back away from the grill when it’s lit. Please.