Choose the Bear :: Mama Edition
Bears appear everywhere in our idioms and analogies. There is Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Poke the Bear, bear hugs, a bear market, and even the latest internet analogy, “Man or bear?”
It is well-known that grizzlies and brown bears are fierce defenders of their cubs. They are devoted and attentive to their cubs until they reach an age where they can survive independently, but until that point, they are protective. Does this sound familiar?
Most mothers can attest to a certain level of instinct that kicks in the moment their child comes into their lives. No one can decipher the meaning of cries quite like a momma can. With those instincts comes a protectiveness that has us on high alert in any matter that concerns our kids.
Countering that mama bear instinct is our social conditioning.
We are taught to be friendly and polite — to put the needs of others before our own and not make anyone uncomfortable. But niceness is dishonest and avoids confrontation. If faced with a potential threat, a mother bear would never stop to ask herself if she was being polite — she would confront the situation.
I was recently in a situation with my kids where another adult made me uneasy.
My instincts screamed at me, “Not safe! Not safe!” Based on outward appearances, we were in a relatively safe situation — touring a historic building, other adults I trusted were around, and I was touring in a somewhat official capacity for my job. These factors swirled in my head as this adult’s interactions with my children made me increasingly uneasy. When the tour transitioned to the garden grounds, things got even worse. The group split up as I carefully watched my kids and never let them out of sight. Some of the children headed back inside, but the questionable adult kept one of my kids back with him and told my son to follow him behind a barn on the property. I observed the situation briefly, not believing that anyone could think this was acceptable behavior, before calling out to my son and telling him to rejoin the group. I want to say that this was the end of the inappropriate behavior, but it was not.
I had a chance to speak to the tour guide about it and chose to have the uncomfortable conversation of pointing out exactly how unsafe I felt. I was assertive, what many would deem “not nice.” I was respectful but fierce in advocating for the safety of my kids. I wish I had been more confrontational, but I did what I could to set those obvious boundaries after processing what I had witnessed. And I am so glad that I did.
Keeping silent in situations like this serves no one. I proved to myself and my kids that we are worthy of defense. We are worth fighting for, no matter how uncomfortable the conversations.
Following the example of a mama bear, I trusted my instincts and used my words to protect the safety of my kids.
I was a woman who parented the best way I could for my kids and didn’t apologize for my choices. And I’m encouraging you to be that type of parent, too. Not everyone will like me for being a mama bear, and that’s okay. Being a mama bear means I’m the best parent for my kids. And that’s all that matters.
