I Am One in Four :: October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, a time to remember and educate about pregnancy and infant loss. President Ronald Reagan first declared the month in 1988 as a way to honor and remember those affected by pregnancy and infant loss, including miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, and other causes.
While it is observed the entire month of October, the date of October 15th is officially Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. On this day in particular, you may see the community raise awareness by wearing a pink and blue ribbon. In recent times, many organizations such as Maddie’s Footprint, will bring awareness to pregnancy and infant loss. Often profound images and educational pieces will circulate recounting stories of women (and families) who have experienced this kind of loss.
Unfortunately, pregnancy loss is common, affecting roughly one in four women. There’s no word to describe the grief parents experience when they lose a child.
I am one in four women.
Despite having gone through this, I have chosen not to suffer in silence. Over the course of my of journey of losing not one pregnancy but a total of four pregnancies, I was blessed to have finally given birth to my miracle baby at the age of 49. I lost my first pregnancy with twins at the age of 20. My twins were at three and a half months gestation. I then lost another pregnancy several years later, this time I was only about a month along. Those two pregnancies I wasn’t aware of the genders. However, when I lost my son Alejandro in 2014, I was 16 weeks 3 days. There was no heartbeat on the day of the gender reveal. I was devastated yet NOT angry with GOD. I knew that GOD had a plan. At the time I didn’t know what it was but I knew that I would one day become a Mom to an earthly angel. I just didn’t know when.
After having my daughter, I was the happiest person and I couldn’t have asked for anything better than to be this child’s Mommy.
I felt as though my life was complete. After a year and a half we decided that we would try just once more so that our daughter could have a sibling. Well, we tried. GOD saw different. I then lost my other son Alexander Blas. That’s when I knew that I would be an angel mom to 5 angel babies total. I had my earthly angel to hold in my arms, and my 5 angels babies that I will forever hold in my heart.
Women tend not to talk about pregnancy loss as if it is their fault, as if they did something horribly wrong. Yet pregnancy loss is very common. It is very devastating and each loss is no less painful than the other. A part of you is missing. A part of you is incomplete. A mother’s brain undergoes many changes during pregnancy and postpartum, including the possibility of microchimerism, in which cells from the baby live in the mother’s brain.
Although the pregnancy is lost, there is a part of the baby that remains with you. I never forget and being able to talk about it with other women tends to help the ongoing grieving process. There isn’t a day goes by that I do not thank GOD for my husband and my daughter and her brothers Alejandro and Alexander in heaven. I thank GOD for my twins and also my other baby that is unknown, yet very known to me.
If you or someone you know has lost a child, just know you are not alone.
Know you did nothing wrong and know that you can heal. You can have other children but also know that it is OK to say their name. Celebrate the time you had with them no matter how long or short because at the end of the day, you are their mom (or their dad) and your love for them can never change. For me, I know that one day I will get to see them all in heaven. For now, I know that my angels (and yours) are singing and playing together waiting on the day Mommy and Daddy come home to see them once again.
