I’m Giving Up On Parenting … But It’s A Good Thing
I don’t necessarily consider myself to be a type-A personality. My house and car are usually a mess, my office is filled with stacks of paper that are all on my to-do list, my to-do list is in 3 different places…you get the gist.
For some reason, though, I have this really annoying inner dialogue in my head that asks the impossible question: “What will (name person) think of this?”
Now, this manifests in a lot of different ways. Sometimes, it’s not the worst thing in the world. It helps me to be empathetic and an active listener when it comes to my work.
However, it rears its ugly head when I wreck myself wondering what someone may think of ME because of my child’s actions.
So, I decided. I’m giving up.
Yes, this sounds dramatic, but I think my giving up is not only better for my own mental sanity, but for my kids as well. So, as of today, I made a list of things I am giving up on.
Number 1: My daughters’ hair.
For some reason I always dreamed my daughters would have long, luscious hair that they’d be THRILLED to let me braid, curl, brush, etc. Well…my oldest daughter is officially in her “independent woman era.” She wants to brush her own hair as well as style it herself. As you can imagine with a daughter who is almost 5 and LOVES anything girly and bright, our hairstyles have become really, uh, special. So, after a nice shoulder-length haircut, sis can GO OFF with the butterfly clips, bows, headbands…or all 3, which is her current preference. Her style is not a reflection of my parenting. Our youngest barely has hair at all, but I have given up on bows for her because she hates them, AND I do not need to indicate to the entire public that she is a girl. They will figure it out.
Number 2: Food
Now, I feed my kids. A lot. Ask our Target Grocery haul. What I am giving up on, though, is the fight around food. Rather than taking the approach of “eat everything I put on your plate, OR ELSE!” I have been attempting to compromise.
No, you cannot have 4 popsicles for dinner. BUT if you eat the frozen peas on your plate and half the chicken nuggets, you can have a popsicle in the bath. Bribery at its finest.
I am not going to give you 4 choices, but I will give you 2. What I made…or cereal.
Number 3: Clothes
While this is in the same vein as hair, it’s a little different in our household. My son has some sensory difficulty when it comes to clothes. Something with buttons or zippers, forget about it. A polo with a collar…on a good day, he may be okay with it, but then again, he may try to take off his shirt in church once he realizes he doesn’t want it touching his neck anymore. If he goes to mass fully clothed, I consider that a win. Jesus is proud that we are there, even in our neon blue and green Nikes.
And if my daughter thinks her pink, sparkly butterfly shirt pairs best with her floral blue skirt…we’re going to roll with it. Because that is how she wants to present herself to Jesus, and I’m great with that.
Number 4: Apologizing
This is a hard one for me. A really hard one. I’m a recovering people pleaser. I hate making anyone feel uncomfortable. I do not like to tell people no too often, though parenthood has helped to remedy that. My job as a parent, though, is not to constantly monitor and manage the emotions of those around me. Should I be kind and courteous, yes. Should I say “sorry” to each and every person around me when my kids are simply acting their age? Nope.
Number 5: Strict schedules
The emphasis, here, is on “strict.” I think structure is good for kids. What isn’t, though, is holding them to rigidity that even adults cannot handle. If we go to bed at 8:30 rather than 7:30, we’ll be okay. If we skip a birthday party because everyone is in a foul mood, so be it. If we’re squeaking into the carline at school rather than being the 5th car in line…let’s roll. Discipline is important to a point, but children are just that. Children. There are many adults I know who cannot even maintain a schedule.
In this season of parenthood, the harmony between discipline and grace is ever changing.
Right now when my kids are little, I’m going to lean into grace and trust that by building trust and emphasizing respect, we’re all heading in the right direction.
