Losing Myself in Motherhood is Ruining My Marriage

Motherhood. I live to be there for my kids. I love to watch them grow with their studies, in their activities and as humans. But, I’m losing who I am in the whole motherhood game.

I now consider myself a “seasoned” mom. There isn’t much that I can’t figure out (aside from the dreaded hormone preteen phase… help!).

Lately, though, trying to be the best mom for my kids is ruining my marriage. I’ve put my kids first so often that I have forgotten about myself, which most of us do, but also I am forgetting about my husband. We have become roommates more than a team, a couple, or husband and wife.

Marriage goes through ebbs and flows. Everyone has their super strong, amazing moments and then we have the moments where we may wonder why this person even wants to be with us. Unfortunately, we are on the down turn right now. I know this will change with work, but it’s tough.

Who Are You?

In a heated argument, my husband stated he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be married to me anymore, although he loves me with all of his being. The air was literally sucked out of the room. My heart and my stomach dropped to the floor. I was speechless, motionless.

He told me he doesn’t know who I am anymore. I have been completely consumed by motherhood and the person he married is lost. Hello, slap in the face!

I was fun, y’all … super fun! I was an up for anything, try anything, go anywhere type of gal. Kids came and I second guess literally everything now. I worry about the outcome of every decision. I worry about money being spent, but also don’t want my kids to miss out of every opportunity. My life seems to be consumed with worry of all types about all situations.

Change is A-Coming

I don’t take care of myself, and apparently my marriage, as of late. I stopped showing affection to my husband, giving a kiss here and there, snuggling, etc. Now, I didn’t do this intentionally, of course. I guess we fell into a pattern, an endless cycle of the day to day. I would push him away when he would come close not knowing why. This man is handsome and sexy why did I do this?!

After that horrific conversation I knew that I needed to make time for US. I evaluated every word he said. I looked at myself with frustration. Make time, dammit! Show him you love him! Gross out the kids with your PDA!

We then sat our kids down (hearing most of the argument I’m sure) and explained that we all need to make some changes. Mom and Dad will now make time NIGHTLY to have time together to talk about our days and reconnect. We will also make sure we have monthly date nights, if not more often. We made sure they understood we love each other very much, but Mom and Dad don’t have enough time together.

Motherhood is tough. Juggling that with a marriage and your own self is even harder. I believe making time for your marriage and your partner has the ability to fill both cups.


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