Moms are supposed to be brave. Moms are the ones who calm your fears. We kill the bed bugs; we scare the bad guys away.
I was laying in bed with my oldest and she asked me a question. One I didn’t fully know how to answer.
“Mom, what are you most scared of?”
My heart dropped. A MILLION things flashed before my eyes. I’m scared of so much, especially right now.
I am scared of failing as a parent. I want my children to be happy. I want my children to be healthy and to thrive. I’m scared of my children thinking I am a bad mom. I’m scared my children won’t know how much I love them.
I am scared of the unknown. I am scared of my kids starting school in the midst of a pandemic. I am scared that my kids won’t get to experience a world like it was pre-covid.
I am scared my kids will forget me when I am long gone. I am scared to be lonely. I am scared of death.
Truth is, I’m scared of too many things to count and that innocent question from my 8 year old really got me thinking. Since I’ve been their mom, I have had to but on my big girl panties. I have had to suck it up, when things are scary, when there is so much unknown.
It is hard.
Being a parent is hard.
I didn’t think fear would be a part of this job. Parenting wasn’t going to be filled with so much fear. Parenting was going to be easy.
This innocent little girl has NO idea that her mother carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. I carry my fears, I carry her fears. I carry the burdens.
Sometimes it is hard, hard to breathe, hard to thrive, shoot … hard to survive.
But to answer her question,
“Mom, what are you most scared of?”
Snakes, sis. I am most scared of snakes.
