Ode to Goldfish :: The Hymn of a Mother at Her Wit’s End

When my son was born, I was into everything natural. I still consider myself quite crunchy. Nutrition was and still is a very big deal to me. I want my family to TRY to eat whole foods and less processed foods. 

Flash forward to the terrible two’s. 

How do toddlers grow? Seriously. Can someone answer that question for me? I’ve never seen anything so little have so much energy with so little fuel.

At the time, Kael – my little stinker – was in daycare. One of the snacks they provided was Goldfish / A.K.A. kiddie crack. He could not get enough! For at least 6 – 8 months, my only memory of a successful meal included Goldfish and apple juice. And the tears of my crunchy heart.

It’s not that they aren’t delicious. I love them actually. I have fond memories of my sweet grandfather – a gin and tonic in one hand and bowl of Goldfish in the other. He’d share with me (the Goldfish only of course) and every so often, toss one to the schnauzer. Those golden treats give me all the feels.

But, they didn’t fit my nutrition plan. However, starving didn’t either. I put up a valiant fight. In the long run, I gave into the little golden snack that smiles back.

In honor of these delectable treats, I’ve written a poem. Enjoy!

O mighty goldfish
The power thee must hold
You are one of the only foods that will not regularly grow mold.
For you see, you are the only food group
This child will ever see.
I offer fruits and veggies
Nothing ever too heavy.
All he says is No!
“I need my goldfish so.”
Your maldextrin golden coulour
Makes his heart go aflutter.
And it makes this mom just mutter
“How will he ever grow?”
But he continues to thrive,
Despite my frustration and sighs.
For now, I will admit defeat
And hang my head to my feet.
I fill his bowl to brim
While I finish up this hymn.
I admit there are worse things
Than making his heart sing
With a snack in a neat little sack
That always smiles back.

Like my pediatrician told me when I, in a cold sweat, told him about the Goldfish obsession – “Momma, He’s eating. He’s growing. You’re doing fine.”

So, to you dear reader:

Life is too short to lose your marbles over a cracker shaped like an under the sea creature. Pour your toddler a bowl and pour yourself a glass of your preferred adult beverage. You’re doing fine.

Amanda Fuselier
Amanda is a native of Kenner, LA and is now an honorary Cajun. She is married to a psychiatric nurse, Joe, and is a hospice social worker so don't come to her house unless you are ready to talk about your feelings! Amanda and Joe are parents to Kael and Remy and furry parents to Luna and Spiderman. Amanda is all about that #boymom life and is enjoying wrangling her two wild men while checking out the wonderful culture of Acadiana and all of Louisiana. Amanda is a fan of all things yummy and enjoys a good cocktail. Her motto is "if I can't wear yoga pants, I'm not going".


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