Since the beginning of this whole COVID-19 pandemic, I’ve waited for the perfect thoughts to truly express how all of this feels to me.
I have one word to sum up the first 300 days (or however long it has been).
Weird.
Everything feels weird.
Not getting up on Sunday mornings to go to church has been strange. Not rushing to drop my kids off at school, odd. Not hurrying to get to my favorite class at the gym, definitely, not right.
Everything seems off.
I find myself sitting down at home, realizing I have two hobbies: eating chips and salsa (number one); followed by frequent trips to TJ MAXX which is a close second. Cleaning the house, reading, taking up a new hobby all sound like great ideas, but everything just seems off.
I just can’t shake this weird feeling.
The Walking Dead did not prepare me for the weird loneliness I feel inside. It didn’t prepare me for the emotions I would have. I wasn’t prepared for the anger, the confusion, and the sadness. Carol didn’t tell me it was going to be this hard.
I’m trying to fight the sadness and uncertainty around my kids. I’m trying to color and draw and pretend the world around us isn’t mass chaos. Sheltering them from the news, hiding the tears and pretending this is just a vacation has proven to be a tough task.
It’s beginning to feel like this is the new norm, but its just too weird to accept. It is too hard to make sense of this all. I want to wake up and this have all been a dream, a really insane dream that isn’t real. A nightmare.
I wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night and feel weird.
It is amazing to me how we can feel so off when things aren’t going quite right.
My wish for all of you who are feeling off, feeling weird, that you find some peace in knowing that this too shall pass … there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Things will be “normal” again. We will be able to interact with one another in close proximity. We will be able to wake up feeling refreshed, not scared. Being in the company of family, heck, even strangers will be comforting.
My wish is that we don’t take things for granted and that we realize how blessed we are. This isn’t easy and hasn’t been easy. But, I do think it will be worth it.
