I decided 2021 was going to be the year of me. This is going to be the year I work on myself, wholeheartedly.
Most of my life I have dealt with pretty severe depression and anxiety. I wanted this year to be the year I learn to work through my problems without medication. I made a plan … monthly goals, go back to therapy, learn to love myself, etc.
How It Started
The beginning of the year, I went back to therapy. Therapy has been a part of my life off and on since the age of eight. It had been a couple years since my last session. Since I have weaned off of my medication, coping has become harder, past trauma had begun to come to the surface, and I knew it was time for professional help to finally put the past to bed. In the beginning, I asked my husband to come with me, but after only a couple of sessions it become a solo appointment.
I have begun grief counseling. We are currently working on my past trauma that I have put away for years. I mean, even some of the ones closest to me don’t know all the events that happened. I have always had a wall with every person in my life.
In the year of me, we are unpacking it ALL. I’m working through it daily, weekly, every moment. Working through it all without medication. It’s scary as hell. It’s hard as hell. But, it’s a process. I know it’ll be worth it in the end.
The next part of my plan is goals. Each month in my planner I give myself a few goals along with visuals. At the beginning of the year, I was giving myself large goals for the month. They all became overwhelming. Trying to reach goals, work, live life … it all became a little too much.
This past month, I finally decided to give myself small goals. I’ve learned I have great intentions, but I lose my motivation quickly when I don’t see myself reaching the goal within my given time frame. It’s something I’ve always struggled with.
How It’s Going
This year of me is my way of learning to love me in all aspects. Love my past, love my present, love my body and love my mind. I am learning how to give up control and trust the tasks will get done. My goals are now within reach.
There are days that are harder than others, of course, but those days I make it a point to ask for help. I’m hoping that with the work I’m putting into myself, by the end of the year, I will be a happier, healthier version of me.
If you are working on yourself this year, know that I am rooting for you! We can do this! We will have tough moments, tough days, but in the end we will come out of this journey stronger, happier and healthier than we could have ever imagined.
