To All of the Involved Dads :: We are Better Moms Because of You

There is a book my daughter has loved since she was a one-year-old and has become popular favorite at bedtime: Hugs. As most toddler books, the premise is simple and the message consistent; each page shows a mommy animal giving a hug to a baby animal with poems of a mother’s love. Not long ago I was reading this to her, and mid-book she became adamant that the mommy was actually the daddy. And no matter how much I argued with her, it was the daddy who was protecting and hugging these baby animals tightly. At first, it was a hilarious moment to witness. But slowly, the meaning came to me and made it even more enduring. My daughter’s father is so involved, as involved as me or a mother, that it made complete sense to her that this parent animal could very well be a father.

Last month I wrote this blog on my very in-depth experience as a NICU mom. It’s easy to forget those first days, months, year. But as I took the trip down memory lane to write the previous post, there were certain flashes that I recall so vividly. I remember being overcome by fear sometimes with how fragile our baby was, surely pumped by post-pregnancy hormones. Sensing my anxiety, my husband took the lead at times, helping change her diaper and soothing her without asking.

This didn’t stop at the hospital. When we all came home, and were still trying to adjust to this scary new-normal, he was there. Helping me breastfeed, which soon turned into me pumping, while supplementing formula. He fed her, changed her, bathed her. He read to her, talked to her, played with her. I couldn’t tell you where I stopped and he began. It was a cyclical movement of caring for this new tiny babe, equally working, equally trying to provide. Once I was able to pause for a second to breathe, I was left in awe. I knew he would be an excellent father. I just didn’t realize how much he would give too.

Since those first months, there would be other rare occasions I would freeze, so to speak. There was the life-changing and horrifying moment of our daughter choking. Fate would have it that I was signed up and planned for a CPR class just one week later. My husband jumped into action, performing multiple techniques before finally loosening the food lodged in her throat. Grateful doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt for my spouse. For those times I’m frozen with indecision, anxiety, and feelings of inexperience, he is steadfastly present, without missing a beat, being exactly what our daughter needs.

It’s easy to think this is the norm. And for some, it is. The sharing of parental roles have certainly come a long way, but even now, I can see not every family looks like this. And it makes me even more grateful. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in mommy martyrdom. That is, we moms must sacrifice anything and everything for the good of our children – and that’s what makes a good mom. It’s okay if dad doesn’t help, this is our role, what we were meant to do. My husband has shown me that this doesn’t have to be true. That he can be right alongside me with parenthood, that it’s okay for me to step away to get some needed self-care time, and he has no problem fulfilling the parental role. And I know he is not the only father who does so.

Thanks to you all you fathers who are in the thick of it with their wives too. You are the cooks and the diaper changers and the night time soothers. You are the bathwashers and the cleaners and the formula makers. You’re there washing bottles, playing rough house, sticking band aids, singing lullabies. You’re doing it all too and we moms, your wives, are continually awed by your efforts and thankful beyond compare. Thank you for every single little thing you do in child raising. We are better moms, and people, because of you.

Katie Templet
A kid at heart, Katie loves all things writing, Harry Potter and musicals. At any moment, she is down for either a cup of coffee or margarita. Her passions are building and improving her community of Lafayette, where she was born and raised, and teaching her one daughter to have a British accent. (Not so successful at that last part yet). She spends her day as a nonprofit ambassador, helping nonprofits amplify their mission and creating more social good.