I remember vividly the day we met.
It wasn’t the peaceful, romantic experience I thought it would be, but it’s our story. Pulling up at the hospital on Christmas Day, admiring the giant Santa and reindeer light display above the hospital, I was ready to experience a kind of Christmas magic I hadn’t experienced yet. And was that Christmas magical? Oh yes, it was.
We faced many challenges during labor and delivery, but 24 hours later, you arrived. I was 5 years younger than I am now. Looking back at that young mother meeting her daughter for the first time, I see a clueless young girl who became a woman. In you, I see a newborn thrown into a world she didn’t yet understand. Both of us were born that day.
The next 5 years with you were nothing short of moments of beauty, miracles and dreams come true. Your smell, your gaze, our instant connection … I realized everyone was right. Having a child would change me forever. Watching you grow and experience the world is my greatest blessing. Sometimes I still feel clueless, but you have a way of reminding me that it’s ok to be clueless. Just like I’m learning how to be a mother, you’re learning how to be a little girl.
We’re learning together.
When I learned I was pregnant with your baby sibling, I was excited, but it was a different kind of excitement than when I’d learned I was pregnant with you. There was a touch of fear this time. Not the normal “I hope everything works out” kind of fear. It was the “How can my heart possibly love another?” kind of fear. You see, just as you count on me to provide for you, I count on you more than you realize. I depend on your love and your smile every single day to lift me up. When life is hard (And it gets really hard), I need to touch your face to remind myself why I push through and strive to be better. You don’t know about the daily struggles I face, and that’s not for you to know. But I do want you to know that those struggles are made easy knowing that my day starts and ends with you.
So, the question remains: My love for you is practically supernatural.
So, how am I supposed to love another?
Now that I’m a mother of two, I can confidently say, that there is a way. When I met your baby sister, I instantly learned that the heart expands. When I met your baby sister, I felt similar feelings to when I met you, and my purpose multiplied. Now, not only do I have you, but I have another miracle baby who needs me. Can I be enough for you both? I can try.
You’ve been the leader in this house since you were born, and that hasn’t changed since your baby sister arrived on the scene. Amid my insecurity, you’ve managed yet again to give me the confidence to be the mother God created me to be. Just when I was afraid I wasn’t enough for you two, you held your baby sister and told her “We’re going to take good care of you”. You’re only 4 years old, yet you’ve managed yet again to remind me that I’m not doing this alone. We’re a team. Not only does your baby sister have me, but she has an even greater gift. She has you. In all my worry, you continuously remind me there’s plenty of love to go around.
Even while I stay home with your baby sister, and as I recover from her birth, and as she completely depends on me, I want you to know that you’ll always be my baby. As I work to stretch my love, extend myself further than I ever have, you were always first. You and I had 5 years together, just us, and while you have to share me now, I’ll never love another the way I love you. Our bond is special. Our love is one-of-a-kind. You taught me how to love, and that is a gift I’m now able to pass down to your baby sister. As life goes on, and the happy times and struggles continue, I will continue looking to you for guidance and inspiration.