Most of my mom guilt comes from working when I think I should be with my kids or being with my kids and thinking about work. I know I’m not the only one with these two opposing ideas lingering on each shoulder. Since becoming a parent, it seems my new life mission is striking the balance between these two opposing sides. In the three short years since becoming a mom to two boys, I have learned that balance is ever-evolving (in all things, but I will just address the work-life balance in this article).
As a full-time Realtor, my work is not the usual regimented 9-5. When I had kids I knew I wanted to try to ‘have it all.” I wanted to make every event, backyard playtime, and not miss a snuggle at nap time. Unrealistic doesn’t even begin to describe my naivety about how I thought motherhood would go. Not only do I miss things because of work, as we all do, but my frustrations mount when the baby doesn’t go down for a nap so that I can work. It is rarely blissful because not only are the needs of my children ever-changing but so are the demands of my career. The balance I envision in my head takes practice and usually doesn’t account for the real-life variables. I am learning to let go of my expectations and live in the true reality of striking a balance between the demands of my career and the needs of my family.
During the process of letting go of my expectations about what my work-life balance is, I discovered I am not the best version of myself when I’m not working. Putting my mind to something beyond babies is what I need. As a bonafide extravert, it drains me to be home all day with the kids and limited adult interaction. My husband thrives working from home because there is no truer statement than “opposites attract.” The stay-at-home order issued during COVID nearly sent me over the edge. Accepting that the best version of myself involves me being a working mother adjusted my inward expectations to better match my reality.
Embracing the satisfaction of learning more about how to be my best self, and the fact that it includes working outside the home, led me to learn that two truths can equally coexist. I am a working mother. The facts, and thus expectations, are that I will balance work with children. I know many mothers and experts have written about this topic and while I have read much of their advice, the discipline of doing the balance has taken much work (and uncomfortable conversations).
Accepting the challenge to find the balance between work and motherhood has led me to rethink boundaries with childcare, the fact that I can’t do it all, or have it all for that matter. Not to say that I sacrifice my standards, but I am grounded in the reality that I can’t have it all at once. Some days, more work than mothering gets done and vice versa. Some days my marriage gets messy and tangled because I didn’t communicate with my husband about what he can’t see in my business or with the boys. Some days I feel deflated because neither my business nor my parenting is going in the right direction, despite my best efforts.
The Lazy Genius has given me the permission I didn’t know I needed to name what matters to me. This keeps me focusing on what matters to keep my family, business, and marriage moving forward. As simple as it sounds, in a world where the pressures of social media are creeping into our real-life expectations, naming what matters to me frees me of the social media rat race and keeps me in my lane.
Reading this won’t solve all your work-life balance problems, but I hope it encourages you to do the work of practicing the balance. Give grace to yourself and your family because it is a group effort. We are learning to bring balance together.
