As a society, we are busy. As moms we are busy; we never stop. I feel like everything in life moves at a fast pace, and I am always struggling to keep up. Most of the time I only think about how this fast paced world affects my life. I don’t stop often enough to think about how my fast paced life affects my kids. That has now changed, and it is my daughter that got my attention.
Mom, I Just Want to See You Smile
“Let’s talk about gross stuff like boogers, poo poo, and farts.”
One day, out of the blue, my daughter said this to me in the car, and I instantly burst out laughing. For the most part, we do not talk about stuff like this in our house. Poo poo is BM and farts are passing gas; you get the picture … But they still think all of this stuff is so silly and talk about it as often as we will let them, because you know, they are four and five years old. After my belly laughs subsided, I asked her where that came from and she said the most innocent and heart breaking thing ever … “Mom, I just wanted to see you smile.” In that moment, I absolutely wanted to crawl in a hole and die.
I proceeded to tell her that I smile all the time, especially when I think about how much I love her. All of this as I am fighting back tears. She proceeded to tell me that I never smile and that I am always too busy doing grown up stuff. This made it even worse because I can hear myself on repeat telling her that “I am doing grown up stuff.” I know she did not come up with that on her own; she has heard me say it over and over and over again.
I know that I have to do SOME of that grown up stuff, but maybe not all of it. Or I need to find another time to do it. I know that she is too young to understand that her parents want to spend more time with her, but that we also have responsibilities that we cannot ignore. My hope is that one day she will understand what the “grown up stuff” is all about, and in the meantime, she has gotten my attention.