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Ahhhh, fall. There’s a chill in the air as I slide on my thigh-high suede boots, adjust my cozy wool scarf, and head out. We have a full day ahead of us, what with all the apple picking we have to do, and family pictures at the pumpkin patch in our matching outfits. I just love it when the leaves turn from verdant green to burnt gold to fiery red, don’t you? Perhaps we’ll even end the night with hot cocoa and cider donuts around the campfire! Oh, glorious autumn, how I adore thee!
Then I snap out of it and remember where I live.
Being a mom in south Louisiana, we play by a different set of rules. Blessed (or cursed, depending on the humidity level that day) with an endless summer, mamas around here have found ways to incorporate the cute fall fashions we see all over Instagram and the upper part of the United States – but we give it our own little southern twist.
Here are nine fall trends and how you can make them work for you here in the deep south.
Mais la! You managed to get downtown for Bach Lunch and realize you forgot your picnic blanket. Fear not – your blanket scarf to the rescue! Spread that baby out and keep your rump off the dirt. Bonus points for saving the popcorn your child will inevitably spill – instead of landing on the ground, it’ll land on a plaid-printed cloud. Totally still edible (once you pick the fuzz off).
Peep Toe Booties
Moms, I get it. Sometimes it’s hard to get ourselves to the salon for a pedicure. With peep-toe booties, you only have to worry about 6-8 toes instead of all ten! No one will even see your pinky toe, so who cares if it got a full coat of paint? And your poor, scaly heels, which were taken care of in the summer months, are tucked away and covered so there’s no chance of them being exposed and scaring the neighborhood kids. You are free as a bird until at least the end of February!
Oversized Cable-Knit Sweaters
Does your daughter’s baby doll need a new blanket? Your sweater will make a swell replacement in a pinch. Delight in the scene of your sweater being wrapped around a sticky, half-dressed Baby Alive. Revel in the fact that you’ll never wear it again. It now belongs to an infant-shaped piece of plastic. At least SOMEONE gets to enjoy it.
A good wrap coat can hide a multitude of sins. Did my kid spit up on my shirt ten minutes ago? Maybe. Did I wear this same outfit for three days in a row? Likely. Do I even have on a bra right now?! The world may never know, and yet, you look pulled-together and fashion-forward. It’s genius! And hey, you might be sweating- but if you blot your upper lip and smile, you still win.
Behold! You can now carry EVERYTHING your child discovers on your outing. Acorns, pieces of mulch, a chicken bone, the random restaurant coloring sheet and the crayon stubs that came with it, even that dead butterfly – you’ve got it all, Mama, right there in one of your seven vest pockets. Next to your Mom of the Year medal, naturally.
Leopard Print Anything
LIFESAVER. With a dark pattern like leopard, your child can wipe chocolate, snot, or the remnants of their peanut butter sandwich on you and no one will be the wiser. Plus, they say leopard is a neutral, so you can wear it every day like you’d wear your jeans. Kinda like a mom uniform – we’ll call it a Momiform. Yes.
Nothing says love like the smell of feet that have been encased in fur surrounded by 90-degree temperatures. If you hope to watch your Netflix shows in peace this evening, throw on your off-brand Uggs before rolling out to the drop-off line and keep them on all day. You can thank me later when no one wants to come near you. More chocolate for Mom.
Three words: Bad. Hair. Days. The tried-and-true baseball cap got you through the summer, but now you can step it up a notch and really look like you know what you’re doing in the world of fashion. Even if your roots look like there’s about to be an oil rig set up on your scalp, you will look like a million bucks. Black gold, baby. Black gold.
Okay mamas, all jokes aside, ripped jeans are a Godsend to the south. There comes a point in October when I refuse to wear shorts any longer, just on principle. With ripped jeans, you get some built-in ventilation! You might even feel a breeze or two if the weather dips into the high 80s. We can hope, right?
Real talk? These look a little goofy, unless you currently find yourself on the ski slopes of Aspen. I wouldn’t advise wearing these around here just yet. Well, on second thought, these will muffle the sounds of your kids fighting/asking questions/demanding juice/complaining about how hot it is. Wear the earmuffs. Wear them with pride. You won’t be able to hear the haters, anyway!
So there you have it, Louisiana mamas. While the rest of the world is frolicking through piles of crunchy leaves, we’re sweating our faces off … but we can still look good doing it! Just because we live on the surface of the sun doesn’t mean we can’t have nice things, right? Now crank up that A/C and hit the drive through for your PSL … iced, of course. Heck, you look so good, you can even get out of the car this time.
This is hilarious and oh so true!
Love your writing, Stephanie! You always write the truth. And you crack me up??.
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