How Growing Up Without My Mom Shaped Me as a Mom

I was 8 years old when my parents divorced. At first, it wasn’t much of a big deal. But as time went on, and as I was getting older, there were things that a girl needs her mom for. My Dad tried, but he was just that…Dad. I wasn’t mad at Mom for not being there. I was too busy with my friends, my band, my volleyball, and my school (oh how I loved school). I just went with it, lived my life, and didn’t think much about it. It wasn’t like she wasn’t there at all, just not in the traditional sense and not under the same roof.

As life went on and my desire to become a mom myself grew deeper and deeper. My infertility become more and more of an issue, and that’s when the feelings started to arise. Like, wow, for some people it’s so easy to have a baby and so easy to not be a part of that child’s life, and here I am not being able to become a Mom at all. However, I would put myself in my mom’s shoes at my age and think ‘wow, it must have been hard for her,’ and that’s how I dealt with it.

Fast forward, and now that I am finally a mom, there is no way I could not not be there for my daughter. Of course, there are days that I am tired, I am cranky,  I don’t really like my husband or whatever, but then I look into my daughter’s beautiful eyes, and I know that she depends on me and well checking out is and will never be an option.

I always have and always will say that whatever my mother did in my first 8 years of life, she did a great job because I am a pretty great person, and I am an awesome mom, and for that I am grateful.

God is a forgiving God, and I know firsthand that forgiveness isn’t so much for the other person as it’s for us so that we may move on and fulfill our purpose in this life. And sometimes things happen for a reason, and it’s not for us to figure out the reason it happens, it is for us to accept what was in the past and to forgive and move on into our purpose. And for me, that purpose calls me Mommy.