I’d Choose Sardine Oil Over Giving My Kids Medicine

There are fewer things I loathe more than having to give my children medicine.

My youngest has asthma, so he has a myriad of treatments that need to be administered. We are fortunate because it could be so much worse. Right now he is four and really testing his independence and my patience when it comes to having to take his daily meds.

I have two right now who have coughs that would have me in the stocks if there was a public to bring them in. Luring them to the syringe for allergy meds has me singing, “Here Kitty, Kitty.” The arm-folding and refusal to budge is irritating. And that’s from me! You would think there are better things to argue about. 

Trying to maintain health during a pandemic? Breathing treatments every four hours for a four-year-old? Me having limited contact with other adults? You might have to commit me any day now.

To give my brain a humorous break while processing everything I have binge-watched/read, I give you the following list:

Here are 10 things I’d RATHER do than give my children medicine

1. Listen to Jessica from Love is Blind talk about Barnett for three whole hours — I could barely take an episode of her. I actually only watched the first and last episode of this series because of her voice.
2. Be slathered in sardine oil by Carole Baskin— This could be a bit extreme, some would say. Then again, you’ve never endured my son’s high-pitched scream when he really doesn’t want to do something.
3. Watch middle school children learn Tik Tok dance challenges— Have you seen the process of learning “The Woah”? Like, Woah, learn some new moves. Try the Tootsie Roll.
4. Spend a day doing Eureka math— I’m an English teacher. I’m an educator. I appreciate learning, but this is beyond my calling.
5. Go on a date with Jeff Lowe— This guy is the epitome of a chauvinistic wanker. To say we have different perspectives of human dignity is a more understated sentiment than saying that LSU fans were excited when they won the National Title.
6. Administer High School End of Course Tests— You walk around and watch kids take a test for FOUR hours. You cannot do anything useful, like grade papers or read upcoming material. You just sit and watch students click answers on a computer screen.
7. Watch five hours of Blippi–Although this guy is enthusiastic and semi-educational, I can only handle it in small reasonable spurts. The theme song will haunt you.
8. Listen to Minecraft tutorial videos for any amount of time— My sons become all-consumed by video game tutorials.
9. Eat only kale for a day–I may need to do this anyway due to all of this quarantine eating.
10. Clean the toilet that is used by my four sons— If you have sons, brothers, or a male in the house, you already know.

I hope this ridiculousness lightens your quarantine brain.

How about you? What’s your experience with giving your children medication? Or what is your “Rather do” list?