Dear Mom
Broken Heart = Intense emotional and / physical pain, longing, or desire. A state of extreme grief or sorrow.
I know. You never thought you would be here. Right where you are. In the middle of all the chaos, fighting your way out, with a broken heart.
You never imagined being the one who has to give more and more from a place of brokenness. Your future didn’t include divorce. It didn’t include the loss of a child or the inability to conceive children. Your happily ever after did not include the struggle of starting a new business and wondering how you were going to stretch every single dollar. You didn’t envision how difficult raising children with ADHD or Autism would be. You never would have guessed that living through the accident that nearly took your family’s life would still turn your world upside down. You didn’t have a plan for when love walked out or when you became depressed after giving birth. You didn’t know you would spend so many days and nights crying, lonely or afraid. Well, I didn’t either.
Brokenness can be so foreign, yet so tangible. It can teach you just who God created you to be. That is where the gold is! Whatever has caused your pain, it doesn’t get to take your life? It all changes us and it’s up to us to not allow hurt to take us. How can you shift what hurts you to something that can elevate your life and others? As mothers, we don’t get to take a break from the job. We can’t just go on vacation until it doesn’t hurt anymore. The only way out is through. So let’s go!
From my own experiences, here’s what I have found that works.
Time
Give yourself time to grieve. We all grieve in different ways on different levels for many different reasons. However, knowing this process takes time is essential. Giving yourself an unrealistic expectation of moving past your hurt too soon doesn’t allow for healing. You deserve to heal, and you will, in time.
Talk
This one is hardest for me. I’m not one to share my own feelings but boy have I had to learn! It’s ok not to be ok. Who’s in your tribe that you trust? You need them! We are not meant to do life alone and that includes when we become broken.
Tune In
Not to a show or a song. Tune in to yourself. Yep. Another hard thing, right! Who likes to critique their own actions and thoughts? I certainly didn’t. It doesn’t matter what the situation is or was, we can always make some self adjustments. Whether it’s because we accept certain behaviors for too long, enable things, are harsh with our own words and responses, remained stuck because we didn’t acknowledge our own feelings, etc. You don’t have to own someone else’s mistakes to look at your own. Growth is hard and it’s necessary. Realizing our own faults, big or small, is the facilitator of change.
Commit
To moving forward. What does that look like? This is the one day at a time moment. I pray. A lot. More than I ever knew I could! It could be as much as seeing a therapist, joining a group or class for your specific situation, journaling daily, reading books, you name it.
Redefine
You have an identity! You are not defined by your career, your spouse, or your mom skills. Hurt has a way of making us realize both who we are and who we are not! What I contribute to my kids as their mom is a direct reflection of who I know myself to be. Not the other way around. You have likes and dislikes. You are great at some things and terrible at others. Love yourself enough to know yourself.
Figuring out how to navigate so many changes in life while mothering my sons has been my greatest challenge. I don’t want them to see me crumble, yet I want them to know that life isn’t always pleasant. More importantly, I want them to know that when things are tough, running away or hiding doesn’t fix it. Acknowledgement of my hurt does. One day, when they are older, they will identify these times from their childhood. The greatest joy of my heart is knowing that my trudging, my healing, my hurt, my getting through, is already giving them the courage and the tools to do the same.
That is such a great post and applies to everyone. We all have times that we doubt ourselves and ask God “Why?”. Faith is the ultimate answer. Thanks for sharing!
Absolutely! Faith will get you through anything!
Such a life-giving message Lashonda and certainly applicable to the many twists and turns that life inevitably blesses us with. Growth can be difficult, yet so necessary as we become the person we are meant to be. Keep doing what you’re doing…your words are healing.