Happy for You, Sad for Me

woman by a lake

When my daughter turned 6, she became obsessed with when she would lose her first tooth. She REALLY wanted the tooth fairy to come and began to fixate on when she would finally lose a tooth. She would ask us to wiggle various teeth to confirm that we thought they were wiggly. Eventually, we had to break it to her that she did not have any wiggly teeth right now. Once she came to terms with the fact that she did not have a wiggly tooth, one of her closest friends lost her first tooth. We are so close to this family and knew we would see them in a few weeks to hang out. My husband and I had to tell her the hard news that her friend lost a tooth before she did. Her reaction was so honest and relatable. At first, she smiled and said “I’m SO happy for her! She’s going to get a visit from the tooth fairy!” A few minutes later, the reality set in that a friend has something that she really wants but does not have. As I comforted her, she said “I’m happy for my friend, but sad for me.”

As my husband and I try for another baby, each month that goes by that I do not get pregnant I feel the weight of my daughter’s words deep in my heart. I am in my thirties, so it is prime baby-making time for loved ones who wish to be parents. With each friend, cousin, or co-worker who gets pregnant, my daughter’s words ring in my ears “I’m happy for my friend, but sad for me.” The journey to get pregnant this go around has not been the easiest. After an early miscarriage and a PCOS diagnosis, it is a challenge to be patient and not question if another baby is in the cards for my family. I am taking it day-by-day and cycle-by-cycle. I believe that at the right time, I will welcome another baby into this world. The mantra I chose for this year was “Trust the timing.” Oof! I think I accidentally prayed for patience.

If you are trying to conceive right now and are struggling to get pregnant, I see you. My heart goes out to you. Know that you are not alone. All of the feelings that come up during the process of trying to get pregnant are valid. Sending all of the fertile vibes your way!


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