Relating Social-Emotional Milestones to the Dental Chair

Disclosure :: This post was written by Dr. Allyn Clause, DDS, MSD of Lafayette Pediatric Dentistry. Read other posts by the Lafayette Pediatric Dentistry team HERE. 

Relating Social-Emotional Milestones to the Dental Chair

What Are Developmental Milestones?

If you’re a parent or caregiver, you’ve probably heard the term developmental milestones. These are skills that at least 75% of children are expected to achieve by a certain age. Although every child develops at their own pace, milestone tracking helps identify if our children may benefit from additional support or early intervention.

Developmental milestones fall into four broad categories:

1. Social and emotional development
2. Language and communication
3. Cognitive development
4. Movement and physical development

As board-certified pediatric dentists, we consider these milestones from a standpoint of how they can help us better serve your child. While oral health is our focus, a child’s developmental stage influences nearly every aspect of their dental visit — from how they communicate and follow instructions to how they cope with new experiences.

Why Pediatric Dentists Care About Social-Emotional Milestones

Social-emotional development refers to a child’s ability to recognize emotions, regulate their feelings, build relationships, and cope with challenges. These skills develop gradually throughout childhood and are just as important in the dental chair as they are at home or in the classroom.

At their dental appointment children are required to do things that may be unfamiliar to them, and unfamiliar things are scary. Whether it’s opening their mouth, sitting still, hearing new sounds, or receiving treatment, children rely on their social-emotional skills to navigate the experience.

When we understand a child’s unique developmental stage, it allows us to communicate more effectively and to have realistic expectations for their reactions.

The goal isn’t simply to complete the tasks at hand in the dental chair. It is to ultimately help children learn that they can successfully manage themselves through new experiences not only in the dental office, but throughout life!

What Is Typical (by age) in the Dental Chair?

Around 1 Year Old

At this age, children are developing trust with familiar caregivers and often experience separation anxiety. They have limited emotional regulation and may cry during an examination even when nothing is painful. Being upset is completely normal. Our goal is not perfect cooperation, but rather to provide a positive first introduction to the dental office while building trust with your family.

CDC Social/ Emotional milestone at 1 year: Plays games with you such as pat-a-cake.

Around 2 Years Old

Toddlers are discovering independence and frequently express it by saying “no.” They have strong emotions and are learning self-awareness. Children at this age are realizing they are their own person and you will likely hear, “me do it” more times than you can count. Resistance during toothbrushing or dental visits is expected at this age. Consistent routines and calm reassurance help children gradually learn that these experiences are safe.

Side note: Ending your child’s bedtime routine with toothbrushing leads to a decreased chance of developing cavities.

CDC Social/ Emotional milestones at 2 years: Able to recognize when someone is upset and looks to you so they know how they should react in a new setting.

Around 3 Years Old

Three-year-olds are becoming more verbal and imaginative. They can understand simple explanations and begin following multi-step directions. At this age, reassurance, praise, and playful communication are helpful, and we know that they can be capable of participating more actively in their dental visits. There is a peak in asserting their independence at this age, so it is not uncommon for there to be some resistance during toothbrushing, but we should be able to reason more with them with time.

CDC Social/ Emotional milestones at 3 years: Able to settle and calm within 10 min after parent departure such as with daycare drop-off. Notices and desires to play with other children.

Around 4 Years Old

By age four, children typically have improved emotional regulation and are able to follow simple instructions even when the activity isn’t their favorite. Most children this age can understand why brushing their teeth is important and cooperate with routine dental care. Anxiety is normal and common, but their coping mechanisms and self-regulation skills continue to strengthen.

CDC Social/ Emotional milestones at 4 years: Starts pretend play (dentist, teacher, etc). Wants and asks to play with other children. They comfort their friends and family and avoid danger such as jumping from the top of stairs. Likes to help and changes behavior based on surroundings.

Around 5 Years Old

By this age, many children can participate confidently during examinations, communicate their concerns, and use coping strategies when they feel nervous. Positive experiences continue to lay the foundation for lifelong positive attitudes toward dental care.

CDC Social/ Emotional milestone at 5 years: Follows rules and takes turns. Help with simple chores at home. Likes to act, sing and dance.

Helping Our Children Build Healthy Coping Skills at Home to carry with them to their Dental Visit and Everyday Life

One of the most important gifts we as parents can give our children is the opportunity to practice coping with everyday challenges.

I frequently hear parents say, “I don’t want to traumatize them,” when discussing toothbrushing. While that concern comes from a place of love, it’s important to distinguish between temporary frustration and true distress.

Brushing teeth is an essential daily hygiene routine, much like washing hands, taking a bath, or wearing a seatbelt. It’s normal for young children to protest activities they don’t enjoy. Learning to tolerate those routines with the support of a calm caregiver helps build emotional regulation and resilience.

We can encourage healthy coping skills by maintaining consistent morning and bedtime routines. It is also helpful when we give simple and clear expectations while remembering to praise effort over perfection. It is very important to allow our children to experience healthy frustration and to independently work through it- this helps foster coping and critical thinking skills. We also can help our children master all of their social and emotional milestones though example. When our children see us stay calm in stressful situations, it gives them the confidence and skillset to do the same.

Our children are innately bonded to us and admire us. When we are fearful and stressed, they can feel it and often behave in similar ways. We can’t expect for our children to manage the stress of new experiences such as dental treatment if we are also in a state of stress. I truly believe we have to take care of ourselves so we can take care of our children to the best of our ability.

Distraction can sometimes be helpful, but relying on screens during every challenging moment limits opportunities for children to develop their own coping strategies. Over time, children benefit from learning that they can tolerate mild discomfort, boredom, or frustration without needing constant external stimulation.

How These Skills Lead to Better Dental Visits

Children who develop healthy coping skills often feel more confident during dental appointments. They are better able to follow instructions, communicate their feelings, recover from moments of anxiety, and participate in their own care.

For pediatric dentists, success isn’t measured only by completing treatment. It’s measured by helping our children build trust, confidence, and resilience with every visit that they can take with them even after the visit is complete.

At Lafayette Pediatric Dentistry, we provide a unique opportunity for children to practice these skills in a safe, supportive environment. Every successful appointment — and every successful toothbrushing routine at home — helps reinforce an important lesson: I can do hard things. This confidence follows them far beyond the dental chair.

We hope these tips help explain developmental milestones at the dentist. If you have any questions or would like more information about your child’s dental health, please don’t hesitate to give us a call — we’re always here to care for you and your family.

Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Other Dental Related Topics that May Be of Interest ::

• Busting Common Myths in Dentistry: The Causes of Cavities Edition
• Is It Just Picky Eating? What Every Parent Should Know 
• Why Does My Child Have White Spots on Their Teeth?
• What if My Kid Freaks Out at the Dentist?
• Tips on Weaning Your Little One From Thumb & Finger Sucking
• Sleep Disordered Breathing: More Common Than You Think! 
• Why Take X-Rays Routinely at the Dentist?
• Teething Toddler Woes: Tips and Tricks For Relief
• The Most Common Causes of Cavities
• Four Reasons Moms Should Reconsider Fruit Snacks
• Why Is My Child Grinding Their Teeth At Night?
• The Truth About Tongue and Lip-Ties
• The Most Common Causes Of Discolored Teeth

About the Author

Dr. Allyn LaCombe Clause is a pediatric dentist at Lafayette Pediatric Dentistry. She is a native of Eunice and is thrilled to be living close to home again, serving the little patients of the Acadiana area! Dr. Clause received her doctorate from the LSU School of Dentistry in 2021 and completed an additional two years of a Pediatric Dentistry Residency at LSU afterward. Dr. Clause and her husband Adam are proud parents of their beautiful daughter Azalea! When she’s not occupied with being a mother or taking care of baby teeth, she enjoys playing tennis and pickle ball. She’s even written a children’s book!