I feel like we’ve hit a groove here when it comes to sleeping. It’s taken us 15 months to get here, and it’s not really the groove I was looking for if you want me to be honest. It’s not the groove I had with my other four children either, but it’s a groove that starts with a 7:00 bedtime. But that’s the only thing that’s predictable. She goes down fairly easy, giving me a false sense of hope that tonight might be the night she sleeps all the way through. Fingers crossed as I tidy the house, prep for the next day and then finally get myself ready for bed.
10:30 pm. Silence from her room. She’s sleeping peacefully.
I yawn but struggle to keep my eyes open on the book I’m reading.
11:00 pm. Silence still.
I’m getting nice and warm in my bed and seriously considering falling asleep, but I know as soon as I give in she’ll wake up.
11:30 pm. She moves and then settles back into sleep.
Sigh … I’m so tired. Beyond tired. That bone tired, sleep derivation that can only come from having a child that normally wakes at 10:00 every night and for every hour after that. What happen to the groove?????
12:00 pm. She’s still asleep.
WHY??? Ugh. I need her to wake up so I can comfort her and put her back to bed so I can finally get 3-4 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
I finally put my book down and snuggle under my warm covers. I get my blanket perfectly fixed, put my glasses on the night table, tuck my feet outside the covers and close my eyes hoping tonight is the night she sleeps all night. I drift off to sleep enjoying the fact that no one is clawing me or touching me.
… and about 10 seconds into this scenario is where she stands up and starts screaming like someone has taken a cookie from her. Relentless, “come and get me right now” screaming complete with tears and banging her hand against the crib railing.
She has to know. It doesn’t matter how early or late I go to bed, I swear she knows. She does the exact thing every time my body succumbs to sleep. Like she’s psychic and can tell.
She’s the sleep thief.
I truly don’t know why or how she does it. I don’t know if it’s some connection with me that she can just feel the minute I relax, but it’s almost every night and the times alternate keeping me wide awake, staring at the monitor, wondering and robbing me of any shut eye I might be longing for.
So I tell myself, as I climb out of my warm nest of covers and walk to her room to pick up my poor baby girl that she needs me. That the sleep deprivation will one day be over. One day, we’ll sleep through the night for the first time and it won’t be a fluke. It won’t be just some random night where she sleeps all night and I wake up every hour to make sure she’s still breathing, but a whole, beautiful, wonderful, amazing, much needed night of sleep.
Or 6 hours straight … I’ll take that too.
A mom can dream, right?