Love Beyond Loss :: A Mother’s Day Tale of Resilience and Healing
Mother’s Day is a time of joy for many, a celebration of mothers and the love they provide. Yet, for those who have lost their own mothers, it’s often a day painted with a bittersweet hue. This sentiment resonates deeply with me, as I lost my mom unexpectedly to COVID, only months after I found out I was pregnant. In one of our last conversations, I casually told her, “Oh mom, I’m pregnant,” and she was thrilled! It’s important to know that after 20 years of marriage my husband and I were still trying. Having experienced two miscarriages within the last 3 years, she encouraged me, saying, “Third time’s the charm.” My mom never got the chance to meet her first grandchild. Cameron just turned three, and it has been three years since my mom passed away.
The Bitter and the Sweet of Mother’s Day
My entire pregnancy was bittersweet; it was the most beautiful experience and the most painful in so many ways. We hadn’t even begun making plans—no baby showers, no gender reveal, no nursery talk. Every milestone felt heavy without her there to share it with me, to guide me through these significant moments.
It’s a unique challenge to navigate Mother’s Day with both joy and sorrow, grappling with the absence of my mother and the joy of being a mother myself. But I find solace in teaching Cameron about the grandmother he never got to meet. Though he sees her picture around our home, I know he’s too young to fully grasp the concept. To start, I’ve begun sharing small things, like wearing her wedding band around my neck and talking to him about her loving nature. One day, I hope he will understand.
Keeping Her Memory Alive for My Son
As Mother’s Day approaches each year, I can’t help but reminisce about the plans I had with my mom, imagining how she would have delighted in being a grandmother. We envisioned her guiding me through motherhood, sharing wisdom, and doting on her grandchild. The reality of her absence is tough to accept, and the sadness of not sharing this special time with her is deeply felt.
Yet, even in my grief, I find joy and peace. My mom left a legacy within me, one that transcends her physical presence. The wisdom she shared, the values she instilled, and the love she imparted—these live on through me. As the saying goes, you eventually turn into your mother, and I see glimpses of her in myself more and more each day. Her kindness, patience, and resilience are a part of me now.
So how do you keep a loved one’s memory alive for a child who never got to meet them? It’s a question that pulls at my heartstrings every day. I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be elaborate or forced. It’s in the little things: the stories you share, the traits you embody, and the love you pass on. It’s in the wedding band around my neck, the pictures on the wall, and the moments when I say something that sounds just like her.
How I Find Healing Each Year
For those grappling with the grief of losing their mothers and the challenges of Mother’s Day, finding joy during the healing process might seem insurmountable. But I’ve learned to focus on the beauty of the memories we created together, the laughter we shared, and the ways she shaped who I am today. Mother’s Day is now about honoring her spirit and celebrating the joy she brought into my life, even if it means doing so with tears in my eyes.
It’s okay to feel both joy and sorrow. It’s natural to feel a pang of grief amidst the happiness of being a mother. We don’t have to choose between the two; they coexist, sometimes in the same breath. This journey has taught me to embrace that duality, and it’s a journey I continue to navigate.
I’ve found healing in small, everyday moments with Cameron. We listen to the music she loved, bake recipes she passed down, and dance around the kitchen, just like she used to because I love them too. Even if he doesn’t fully understand yet, I trust that he will feel the love she left behind.
This Mother’s Day, I encourage anyone who has lost their mother to find a way to honor their memory in a way that feels true to you. Light a candle, visit a special place, or simply share a story. Embrace the joy that their love brought into your life and let it guide you, especially when the pain feels overwhelming. Because while the grief may never fully disappear, the love our mothers left behind will always shine through. And that’s a reason to celebrate.
