The Challenge of “Never Stop Dating Your Spouse” in the Real World
Prior to getting married and when we were newly married, I’d always hear people say, “Never stop dating your spouse.” But, what those people neglected to mention was how much harder that would get as the years passed. Throw in career changes, children, and life in general, and you quickly realize that dating your spouse becomes a much greater challenge.
For us, dating became harder after we had children. Since we didn’t have many family members or friends to watch our kids, we’ve always relied heavily on paid babysitters. Considering how mindful we were of who we allowed to watch our kids, let’s just say finding reliable help didn’t come easy. We had some phenomenal sitters who stayed with us for a while, but once they became adults, the search always started over. We quickly learned that dating would look different than it did when we were newlyweds.
We’ve learned that dating means being together — present, and in the moment.
The location doesn’t matter as long as we prioritize time together. Sometimes, dating is the classic dinner and a movie, or finding new experiences in the city, like axe throwing, escape rooms, and candle making — if it’s in Lafayette, we’ve tried it. Other times, it’s simpler: picking up groceries together without the kids, staying up late to watch a show after the kids are in bed, or catching a local comedy event. Lately, it’s been dropping the kids off at school and going to breakfast at Ton’s before work. As long as we are together and enjoying each other’s company, it is time well spent.
We rarely get to spend a kid-free weekend away or go overnight somewhere, but that’s okay; it’s simply not the season for it right now. We know a time will come when we can enjoy those kid-free vacations again, and we look forward to it. If you’re going through the same struggle — feeling that it’s impossible to date your spouse or find time to be alone — I’ve been there. I had to realize that our time together just has to look different than the norm. The goal is to focus on creating quality time together in whatever small moments we can.
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