Fear in Fostering :: Preparing for Goodbye

Fear in Fostering :: Preparing for Goodbye

While preparing our home to welcome a foster child, the nerves were at an all time high. In this installment, I’ll only speak for myself, as I’m the only one who felt my specific feelings.

During the journey leading up to certification, you go through a series of classes and home studies. You hear stories of absolute horrors as well as accounts of the rewards of fostering. But, naturally, the horror stories are what stuck with me. What if we get a child who went through unimaginable things and we are the first faces they see after? What if we end up with a child with severe disabilities? How do I flip a switch to be exactly what these kids need? What if they hate our house or the food we eat? So. Many. Questions.

Our first placements.

I got several phone calls before we got our actual first placements. I never imagined the process of accepting a placement could be so nerve wrecking. I mean, you get the call, you say “yes” or “no”, and they drop the kids off once you accept. Right?

Nope. I got so many calls, and for some I had to decline, but for others I accepted and they were placed elsewhere before we even laid eyes on them. But one day I got a call for a sibling set. They were 3 and 5 years old. My husband and I had agreed on only accepting one child at a time but my heart couldn’t turn these two away once I heard their story. They got dropped off to us that afternoon and y’all, if I said it wasn’t a complete shock to the system I’d be lying. I went from having one five year old in our home to what felt like 3 Tasmanian devils running around here. Honestly, I felt like I bit off way more than I could chew. Long story short, they wound up only being with us for 2 days and then they were able to go with some of their family members. Two days later, we ended up with our baby that is currently still with us.

Building the bond that I’m scared to lose.

At this point we’ve had our boy for almost 4 months. We welcomed him in when he was 6 months old. At the time, he hadn’t had tummy time, wasn’t really eating any baby food, and spent a lot of time laying on his back. Over the past 4 months, we’ve seen so much growth in him, both physically and cognitively.

When people speak about the rewarding moments of fostering, I can now honestly say that I know what they mean. I have to constantly remind myself that there’s a large possibility that this sweet boy who feels like one of our own won’t be with us forever. It’s so difficult to look at this little person with the biggest eyes and smile and have to tell myself not to get too attached.

Preparing for Goodbye

The way the system works is every 3-6 months the birth parents go to court to check the progress they’ve made on their case plan. Well, for us, the next court date will be just after our boy’s first birthday. How in the world do I grow this little seed up through his first birthday then just hand him back?!?

The frustrating thing with the system is that they give you minimal information and, most times, you have to ASK for updates rather than them just voluntarily giving them to you. So, being that this whole things is new to me, I sit here most days.

I watch the way he plays and the new things he learns to do. I introduce him to new foods. I let him see the world. I take him on trips, give him warm baths, rock him to sleep…….and I love on him every single day as if it’s his last night with us. Because at one time my biggest fear was welcoming a foster child into my home. Now, my biggest fear is saying goodbye to him.