When I left you, I was having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The divorce was fresh, but I was determined to move on. To get out of this deep hole. Get out of the darkness. It was hard. I was damaged. I had to learn to trust again. I had to regain the ability to function on my own. Emotionally and financially. 2007-2010 was so dark but even in the darkness, good came.
I made new friends. I started a new job. My sweet child started school. I started venturing out of my comfort zone. A girlfriend of mine invited me to tailgate at a UL football game. Insert #Framily. I also had these two amazing friends that would lift me up and not let me fall. My parents moved back to town, my aunt helped, more than she will ever know. Y’all, I had a kick a** team of people that were there for me. Oh, and I even started dating. Just because you are divorced DOES NOT mean that you can never date again. Let me add to that. I REMARRIED. Yep. Sure did.
On June 16, 2012, I walked down the aisle and married the most amazing man. He is patient. He is caring. He, too, is divorced. He loves my Morgan with every fiber of his being. We started a life together. In April 2014, our sweet Elizabeth made her entrance. Our girls have prospered, and our little family has grown so much together. We made plans and as many times as God had changed my plans, this time … it’s like it was meant to be. Sure, we have hit some bumps, because life is not all sunshine and rainbows. We work at our marriage and our family relationships daily.
I am by no means the marriage guru and I’m certainly not mom of the year, that’s obvious. I will share what I do know. My two favorites are these:
Communication is key. Life gets busy and if I don’t write it down, “it” (sometimes even laundry) doesn’t get done or we miss an event. Make lists. Share these lists with your spouse and sometimes even your kids. The lists can be for anything: weekend plans, life goals, the grocery. Anything. Even though our schedules don’t always align, every meal possible, we are sitting at the same table sharing our day. Strange as it may sound, some of the best conversations with my girls are just before they fall asleep. When I lie with them at night, it seems that their hearts open up.
No matter what happens at the end of the day, tell your family that you love them. Teach your children to speak with love. Model this behavior with your spouse. They will fight, they are siblings, that’s what happens. You will fight with them about fighting with each other, but it’s important to take some time and truly understand what the other person’s needs are. A friend of mine posted a reminder in her home once: “turn statements into questions.” You’d be amazed at how well reading those words aloud works. And always remember, “Love keeps no record of wrongs …. love always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4, 7-8
Lo and behold, once you hit rock bottom, the only way left to go is up. The end of a marriage is almost like losing a life. The life you thought you had … thought you built … with a person that you thought you knew. I have heard recently “I don’t know the man I call my husband.” That’s a terrible feeling! Looking back on my experience with divorce and rebuilding after, it’s hard for me to imagine my life any other way. The whole ordeal, as long and drawn out as it was, was the best thing to ever happen to me. Crazy, right?