We’re Not Sacrificing Everything For Our Children
Our kids are most certainly our priority. Their needs, their growth, their development, and their wellbeing is always at the forefront of our mind.
Our family, though, is also made up of adults with needs, dreams, and growth, too.
I watched an interview with Brene Brown where she summed up my feelings almost perfectly:
“There’s kid-focused families, parent-focused families, and family-focused families. We’re a family-focused family.
It’s not the kids at the parents’ cost or the parents at the kids’ cost.”
My own personal mantra is “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should,” but Brene Brown’s words are a lot better.
But, didn’t you choose to have kids?
Yes, we did. We love our kids! We’re honored to be their parents. We’re prepared and ready to make the necessary sacrifices. We also know parents who have put their everything into their kids, and when their kids moved out, they grew apart. I intend for my marriage to extend far longer than the years my children are under my roof. For that to happen, my husband and I intend to grow and learn both as individuals and as a couple.
I want my children to see an example of love, grit, and sacrifice so one day they will find partners willing to do the same. I want them to say these kind of things:
“I love spending time with my family.”
“My mom really cares about our community.”
“My dad has been able to work with soccer teams all over the country!”
“My parents have a great marriage.”
“Our family is always looking out for one another.”
Different needs for different seasons
We try not to use the term “fair” in our house too often. Life, as we know, is not always fair. Our kids will have different needs during different parts of their life. Our newborn required my undivided attention most of the time. My 4-year-old did not. Our son has been enrolled in speech and occupational therapy…which means we didn’t enroll our daughter in an extra gymnastics class, because it would have spread us a little too thin.
We make decisions that are in the best interest of the family as a whole. What will bring the most peace? When we say “no”, we share why (as much as we are able) and talk about if it can be an option for another time.
As my husband and I both navigate new jobs within the last year, we say “no” to some things. However, more financial stability means “yes” to others. We weigh the options, and we opt for what is in the overall best interest for us as a family unit.
There will always, always be a time we sacrifice our children. I believe every day parents give a piece of themselves to their children, especially in the little things. Foregoing your extra weekend sleep in favor of getting to the soccer field at 7:30. Choosing to strap yourself to a pump for hours to supply your child with breastmilk. Putting off binging TV so you can watch your daughter’s made up play…for the 400th time. Choosing to enroll your child in a school where they can thrive, even if it wouldn’t be your first choice.
Allowing our children to make sacrifices will turn them into selfless humans in the future. Sometimes that means skipping the birthday party because the rest of the family is burnt out. Sometimes it might mean eating in rather than eating out. Sometimes it may mean having to change plans because the original ones make everyone want to tear their hair out. Learning to change and adapt is a life skill your kids will thank you for one day. So will their bosses.
