Letter To A Military Spouse This Holiday Season
Dear Military Spouse,
I know you. I was you not too many years ago. It was a beautiful life filled with love, duty and pride in our country and the spouse that served it. But that duty always broke my heart, especially during the holiday season. I spent several Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s celebrations alone with two young kids while my husband was overseas. Enlistment contracts do not have a face, so it is hard to place that frustration, anger and loneliness. That does not mean that those feelings are felt any less.
If you find yourself alone, or alone with your children, while your spouse is away this holiday season, I want to say I’m sorry.
No one apologizes when orders for deployment or duty come down the line. There are no apologies for the things that are a part of the enlistment. I am sorry that this is hard. I am sorry that you are doing this alone. I am sorry that your family is divided at a time when families are coming together.
It is okay to exist and not actively participate in this holiday season. I know what it is like to only go through the motions of holiday cheer for your kids’ sake. I know that holiday activities like making cookies and decorating the tree are a painful reminder of someone absent from your home this year. It is okay to wrap your daily routine around you like the comfort that it is. Sometimes, ignoring the holiday seemed like a healthier option for me. Any attempt at celebrating was more for the benefit of those around me. It is hard for the people surrounding us to witness the ache they know they do not have the remedy for.
There is good even in this season.
You will likely find more love than you thought possible from people you did not expect. Accept that love. It will help you and your family through. Although I am reminded of the string of loneliness from all those years ago, each year when the holidays return, I also vividly remember the kindness strangers showed me and my children. I remember how their appreciation of my husband’s service made me feel our family’s sacrifice was not in vain. Yours is not either.
Even though I am on the other side of that season of life, I am right there with you each year. I hope that you find joy in this holiday season. You feel the love and warmth of your family and military family and allow it to envelope you. I hope that as the calendar pages turn toward a new year, you allow yourself to feel the excitement that only a military spouse’s actual holiday, homecoming day, can bring. I hope you still find the courage to create holiday memories that will remind you of how strong you and your family are for years to come.
Hugs and warm wishes,
A fellow military spouse
